Omnomnom Books

Darkest Edge of Dawn

2011-05-05T23:07:00.004-04:00

This is the 2nd book in Kelly Gay's Charlie Madigan series, which I highly recommend. And oh hey, the first book in the series, THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS, was the first book I ever blogged about on here, about a year ago! Aww, memories. Happy birthday, Omnomnom Books! How cute.

Actually, this is the opposite of cute--Kelly Gay's urban fantasy is dark and gritty. This author doesn't mess around! I love the world she's built, and how she's not afraid to mess up the lives of her characters. All her characters have huge problems, and some may never get fixed. It's reads so realistic. This author is fearless.

...just like her protagonist, Charlie Madigan. She's so badass, she's my hero. And her partner, the siren Hank Williams, is such a dreamboat.

I was planning on writing more, but I'm going to have to stop. I'm still dizzy/nauseous from KFM practice tonight. Just know that I love this series. The worldbuilding will blow your mind.

Night,
Jude

A Great and Terrible Beauty

2011-04-30T00:09:00.009-04:00

A gothic Victorian fantasy novel with secret societies, occult realms, and a kickass heroine, this book covers a lot of things. For one, it shows how stifling life used to be for women, making me immensely relieved that my family isn't marrying me off to some rich, repulsive fifty-year-old dude. I can't even fathom what it must've been like to have no say in your future. How the heck did girls live back then?!

What really struck a chord in me, though, was...well, someone dies in this one and...nevermind I won't get into it. What is this, some kind of dear diary therapy session? You can put the tissues away. Just know that this is a terrific book, I couldn't put it down, and I may or may not have been crying on the inside the entire time. Books, they touch you and stuff.

All the while, Gemma must fight shadowy monsters and discover her great and dangerous powers.

It's like nothing I've ever read before. Historical fantasy novel with literary prose...how intriguing. Adding the rest of the trilogy to my library queue.

Over & out,
Jude

P.S. Who else is stoked for BEA?

New Love

2011-04-27T13:06:00.003-04:00

I know, I know--I'm so behind! You've all definitely read the entire series already, but I just discovered Holly Black's TITHE and oh. my. word. I'm obsessed.

How does Holly Black do it?! How does she know all these myths and legends and then weave them into her dark, modern fairy tales? Her creatures are so grotesquely beautiful, too, it reminded me a lot of PAN'S LABYRINTH. Holly Black, she's like the literary Guillermo del Toro.

And ROIBEN! Gah! I can't stop squealing about Roiben. There's just something terribly romantic about a tormented knight and that whole medieval steez. Also, I'm a sucker for white/silver hair (umm has anyone been watching GAME OF THRONES on HBO? I know Viserys Targaryen is a jerk and all, but the actor is slightly kind of maybe perhaps a bit HOT). I've thought of dying my own hair white, too, but the upkeep just seems too much! Not to mention painful, what with bleaching my roots every other week.

ANYWAY, I could read this book a million times and still shiver at Roiben's words. My favorite quotes?

"You cannot have what you cannot catch." -Kaye Fierch

"What belongs to you, yet others use it more than you do?" -Rath Roiben Rye

"I am your servant. Consider it done." -Rath Roiben Rye

I requested the next books, VALIANT and IRONSIDE, at the library (I have a queue there like it's Netflix). Can't wait!

-jude

A Brush of Darkness

2011-04-21T21:47:00.008-04:00

Haven't blogged in awhile, my apologies! Lots of reading, etc etc, so I was surprised to see that lots of new faces have stopped by--pleased to meet you :)

I read everything from literary to MG, recently jumping from Azar Nafisi's READING LOLITA IN TEHRAN to Neil Gaiman's THE GRAVEYARD BOOK, but I decided to embark on a paranormal/urban fantasy journey for the next four weeks.

You in?

Tonight, I finished the sassy, sexy debut by Allison Pang, A BRUSH OF DARKNESS. Man, I'm just in awe of the world-building in this one: Angels, daemons, and fae can meet in our mortal world only by using the energy of TouchStones, or humans. That means the OtherFolk must strike up a contract with a human who'll agree to act as their anchor to the mortal realm. So when the Fairy Protectorate offers Abby the chance to be her TouchStone (throwing in perks like agelessness and an enchanted iPod), Abby is more than happy to sign the contract and leave her shattered life behind. But when her boss goes missing and a devilishly sexy incubus enters her life--and her dreams--Abby discovers the price of being a TouchStone may be higher than she thought.

Caution: Contents are hot! Commuters on the train were probably wondering why the girl in the corner is giddy and giggling to herself. That's because this book is steamy. Everyone, read this & meet Brystion, my new fictional crush. Enjoy!

Purgatory Chasm

2011-03-25T12:16:00.012-04:00

Hey. I love this book. No, like, you don't even know. This is a crime novel like you've never read. Steve Ulfelder's debut, PURGATORY CHASM (coming out May 10th), is a gritty must-read. What I love most about it is that every character feels so real.

Take Conway Sax, for instance, a no-nonsense auto mechanic who always comes to the aid of his Alcoholics Anonymous friends when they have a...problem. He's tough, loyal, witty, street smart, and good with a hammer, but he can also be tender and a good judge of character, showing kindness and mercy where they're due. He's definitely not just an ordinary hard-boiled detective--he's not even really a professional detective, but just a fixer for his friends. Sigh. I wish I could hang out with Conway in real life :(

I also love how Conway isn't condescending at all. In crime fiction, I feel like the protagonist usually acts like he's better than everyone else, amirite? Like, the other protagonists I've seen will stereotype the other characters he meets, but in PURGATORY CHASM, Conway sees everyone with all their complexities. He understands that so-and-so isn't "just" anything. And since he sees people that way, the reader can't help but empathize with the various characters too.

Anyway, now I'm filled with nostalgia. The characters are all alive in my head and I'm sad that I'm done reading :( WHEN IS THE NEXT CONWAY SAX COMING OUT???

And man, I'm just looking at other reviews for PURGATORY CHASM, and turns out my favorite thriller authors, Patrick Lee and Michael Koryta, loved it too:

"Genuine characters and intense action--a serious crime novel with serious edge." – Patrick Lee, New York Times bestselling author of The Breach

“Purgatory Chasm grabs you at the gate and doesn’t let go, careening through a top-notch whodunit to an ending you don’t see coming. A debut this good makes you wonder what Ulfelder’s holding back for the next race.” –Sophie Littlefield, Edgar Award-nominated author of A Bad Day for Sorry

"Holds a hot, ominous idle just until Ulfelder engages gears and hits the gas, pinning you back against the seat, hopeless to leave before the end of the ride. One of those rare debuts that leaves you immediately eager to see what is next." --Michael Koryta, award-winning author of The Silent Hour and The Cypress House

Contestttt & other news

2011-03-18T14:44:00.007-04:00

Sharon was kind enough to ask me to help judge her contest this week! Two (or more) winners will receive a critique (from me) of their first 10 pgs! I'm really excited, so head over to Sharon's blog for more details on how to enter!

As for good stuff I've read lately, I checked out the 2010 Newbery winner by Rebecca Stead WHEN YOU REACH ME. I don't think I could have loved it more! It's so perfectly made, I could cry right now. Time travel, mystery, race relations in the '70s--this book has it all. I'm definitely going to check out Rebecca Stead's other books. I don't do that often for an author, so you know this must be good!

I also revisited the oldie but goodie 1994 Newbery winner THE GIVER and the 1990 Newbery honors AFTERNOON OF THE ELVES. Classics I read in elementary, but now I wanted to pay attention to how they were written, especially since THE GIVER is "the granddaddy of dystopian YA" in the words of our brilliant, former intern (and now full-time audio publishing professional) Arielle Kane. Also, I wanted to re-read AFTERNOON OF THE ELVES because it reminds me of one of my favorite movies, PAN'S LABYRINTH, in how it blurs a tragic reality with fantasy and make-believe from the point of view of a child. Hmm, ever since 3rd grade, for some reason the theme of using fantasy to cope with reality has always resonated with me. If I ever write a middle grade, this is something I'd want to explore, I think.

ANYWAY, I also gleaned some things about the writing style of THE GIVER and AFTERNOON OF THE ELVES. It seems so obvious they were published a while ago. Their styles just seem...older, you know? Now, I feel like middle-grade is mostly in first person with a spunky narrator. I'd be interested to hear your own observations about this...

Right now, I'm taking a break from middle grade--not on purpose, but only because the books I requested at the library haven't arrived yet. So I'm checking out PLATFORM by Michel Houellebecq.From the first sentence "Father died last year," I knew I'd like this book because it sounds like an homage to Camus' THE STRANGER, whose first line is probably one of the most memorable ever "Maman died today." Anyway, the protagonist of PLATFORM has a lot of similarities with Meursault, AND I'm proud to discover that I'm not the only one who thinks so! A review on Amazon calls PLATFORM a mix of Howard Stern and Albert Camus--aHA! I can read and make relevant, insightful observations, see?!?! (Lolz) So I'm not up to the racy parts yet, but apparently this book is going to get controversial.

I'm definitely not in middle-grade land anymore.

But, seeing that LOLITA is my favorite book of all time, and THE STRANGER is also high up there, I'm guessing I'll enjoy PLATFORM too.

After PLATFORM, next up is Jennifer Egan's A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD (recommended to me by Arielle, whose impeccable taste has yet to let me down), and then it's back to middle-grade :)

over&out,
jude

New Love

2011-03-07T13:36:00.007-05:00

I can't put this book down! Why can't my train ride be longer??? Rachel Neumeier's new YA fantasy, THE FLOATING ISLANDS, is so beautifully-written and I'm absolutely in love with Trei and Araene. Trei's this serious, withdrawn type who lost his family--his whole birthplace, actually--in a natural disaster. So he goes to live with his uncle and he meets his cousin Araene for the first time. She's so spunky and rebellious, ah she's my hero.

Anyway, it just came out this February and you have to get it nowwww. Also, in case you're still not convinced, FLOATING ISLANDS was listed as one of the 2011 New & Notable Teen Books on Amazon.com. Here's more info:

In this young adult fantasy filled with rich language, Trei loses his family in a tragic disaster and must search out distant relatives in a new land. The Floating Islands are unlike anything Trei has ever seen: stunning, majestic, and graced with kajurai, men who soar the skies with wings. Trei is instantly sky-mad, and desperate to be a kajurai himself. The only one who fully understands his passion is his newfound cousin Araene. Prickly, sarcastic, and gifted, Araene has a secret of her own, a dream a girl cannot attain.

Trei and Araene quickly become conspirators as they pursue their individual paths. But neither suspects that their lives will be deeply entwined, and that the fate of the Floating Islands will lie in their hands.

THE FLOATING ISLANDS was chosen as a Junior Library Guild selection and received a starred review from Kirkus.

"Intelligent, richly detailed fantasy…The author delineates complex characters, geographies and societies alike with a dab hand, deftly weaves them all…into a suspenseful plot and delivers an outstanding tale that is self-contained but full of promise for sequels." --Kirkus (starred review)

The End of the World & More

2011-03-03T19:43:00.006-05:00

So I've been all about middle-grades lately, re-reading old favorites and a few new ones coming out this summer, too. Like Greg van Eekhout's new post-apocalyptic BOY AT THE END OF THE WORLD, coming out June 2011!

Um, if you like middle-grade, you have to read this book about a boy who wakes up from a pod at the end of the world and discovers that—except for a robot companion—he is the only survivor.

And if you haven't read it yet, Greg van Eekhout's first book KID VS. SQUID is so funny. Thatcher's voice is absolutely vibrant and hysterical. Highly recommended! It was an IndieBound pick, too, by the way, so it's not just me who loves it!

As for oldies, I revisited WALK TWO MOONS, of course--the tight writing & craft in that novel just blows me away!--and my absolute favorite, MAMA, LET'S DANCE by Patricia Hermes. The story is pretty simple & linear, but the emotions are so real. I was teary by page 40 and by page 67 I WAS BAWLING. You don't even know! This book is really something special. Sigh. I remember reading it with my mom in elementary school and by the end, we were just a teary mess :(

So yea. What are your favorite middle grade reads? Any recommendations for fun adventure stories? Tear jerkers? Hit me!

Not the worst $13 I've ever spent

2011-03-02T10:59:00.004-05:00

Don't ask me why, but my best friend and I went to see I AM NUMBER FOUR.

It was...okay. The special effects were good. And Alex Pettyfer delivered more than enough eye candy for two hours (what's the deal with him anyway? Is he going to play Peeta, Jace, or what?)

But the movie felt so contrived in the way it included YA tropes. And there was a lot of telling, and not enough showing, particularly in the beginning where John basically tells the audience everything that's going on. As if we couldn't figure it out ourselves with a good script and director.

Also, the lines were painfully cheesy. We couldn't help cracking up at pivotal moments.

But yeah, there are worst things to blow $13 on. And did I mention that Alex Pettyfer is quite easy on the eyes, especially on a 30' x 70' screen?

So here's my question: Has anyone read the book? Is it worth reading? It has 203 reviews on Amazon with an average of 3.5 stars, but I don't even know if that means much. I AM CURIOUS. LET ME KNOW.

organ donors, pictars, blog award

2010-10-20T12:44:00.014-04:00

-Saw Never Let Me Go.

Cried.

Reading book now.

And yes yes, I'm sorry but he who hath never watcheth a film before reading the book may cast the first stone.

-Narrowed photo down to two:

The first one is actually a lie. It really looks like this.

But why take a new picture when you can throw in a bookshelf, window, and an inner shirt? Instant biz cas literary photo, no?

Also, thanks for bearing with me in this photo process--I'm almost done. My posts won't always be this vain, I swear.

-Thank you Sharon for the Versatile Blogger Award!
So now I'm supposed to share 7 things about myself, but today's cryptoquote said something like, "He who tells his secrets gives up his freedom" so now I am scared!

But since I'm going to be an agent one day, I'm learning to drive a hard bargain and you know what? Instead of 7 secrets, I'll give you 15% of that. So here's 1.05 truths:

If I had one wish, I'd wish for the power to heal living things (if one of you reading this happens to be a genie, let me know!). My second wi

in which I bare my soul (this is very serious)

2010-10-18T22:31:00.014-04:00

In desperate need of a photographer. Looking through these albums, I'm discovering that 1) I'm not business casually dressed in any of them, and if I am, 2) there's non-business casual people/items/activities in the vicinity. Also, there's the fact that 3) I'm never looking at the camera and 4) never smiling. Much less 5) posed in front of a book case, which seems to be a very popular backdrop for literary agents.

A sample of what I have to work with:

Making out with my dog. Perfect--I want all my slush to be werewolf paranormal romances.

This is more promising. It shows authors I can be the champion for their work. Literally.

Chilling with Edward on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. It features my excellent networking skills and strong connections in the film and vampire communities--very important qualities to keep in mind when looking for an agent.

Sigh. At this rate, I'll find a picture for the website in, oh, never.

And my bio isn't faring much better, either. This seems to be the general format of agent bios:
1) College degree, and any distinctions
2) Membership in agency organizations or writing groups
3) Popular clients
4) Tastes in books
5) Quirky personal fact

But since I'm not a member of anything and have no clients to boast of yet, that shortens things up quite a bit. Here's a rough rough draft of what I'm maybe thinking about perhaps possibly writing:

Judith graduated summa cum laude from Fordham University with a B.A. in English and History on a full presidential scholarship. Prior to joining LD in 2010, she interned at Random House, Objective Entertainment Multimedia Agency, Caren Johnson Literary Agency, FinePrint Literary, and Nancy Coffey Literary Management. She is drawn to witty prose and eccentric characters, and is interested in literary fiction, YA, urban fantasy, paranormal, contemporary and historical romance, thrillers, and crime fiction. When she's not reading, she enjoys causing mischief during her daily adventures with her Siberian Husky, Grendel.

SO LAME. I CAN'T STAND IT.
*crumple*
*toss*

Feel free to tear it/me apart.

Also, do you think I should mention somewhere in there that I was valedictorian of my high school? Or does that not matter? And is being a member of the Honors program and Phi Beta Kappa worth mentioning? I don't know I don't know!

Nervously yours,
jude

The 2nd best ending to a love triangle

2010-10-16T01:16:00.004-04:00

Why is no one entering my Halloween contest? Now I am depressed.

Since one of the prizes is Clockwork Angel, I thought I better read the book before giving it away. And wow. It's amazing. The world just sucks you in from page one. And Will Herondale? Tee hee hee. But now I'm just up to the part where it starts to be a love triangle, and I am scared! I don't want to get too attached to either of them--I can't take it! I just...I just...

So in a previous post (which has now self-destructed), I mentioned that my ideal ending to a love triangle would be to just kill of the girl. But a close second to that ending is this: I wish that out of the two guys, the one who the girl is leaning towards, the one she truly loves and feels a closer connection with--I wish that he would die. Then the girl will marry guy #2 by default, but both of them will know that he's only second-best and will never live up to guy #1. HAHAHA isn't that great? That way no one's happy!

I told you I like tragedies.

Anyway, I'm enjoying Clockwork Angel immensely. I'm probably going to read the whole series now. Darn you Cassandra Clare! You have snagged me. Instead of a quiet Friday night with brownies and beer, I am lost in your world of Nephilim and warlocks and infernal devices. Dagnabbit you!

-jude

in which I have a concussion

2010-10-15T10:17:00.003-04:00

cloudy. so cloudy.

The Truth Comes Out (+ a Halloween Contest)

2010-10-14T22:20:00.021-04:00

Yesterday over drinks, a writer friend pointed out that my new approach is all wrong. His logic:
A) Writers don't care that much about money.
B) So writers feel disdain toward people who DO care a lot about money (i.e. businessmen and uber-businessy agents).
C) Therefore, I should just be myself instead of Ms. Hardass Poweragent.

Damn. I changed my whole layout for nothing.

So to answer your question, Talei, my soul is not black, but actually peenk (@Mer_Barnes was correct). Funny because last night, the topic of auras came up, and two friends concurred that mine is as pink as a puppy's paw. Also, that my spirit animal is a hamster. I must admit, they got me spot on. They then found my exact face on Google.

(I look this pumped all the time, in my cubicle, in the shower, everywhere.)

(At KFM though, I turn into General Hammie.)

So you're probably all disappointed, eager to see me be posh and all, but I'm back to just myself. Sigh.

ON TO SCARIER SUBJECTS: I'm starting to work on Halloween costumes for Grendel and me. Last year, he was Little Red Riding Hood and I was the Big Bad Wolf disguised as the Grandma.

(Grandma shawl not shown here. Also, I sewed Gren's hooded cape by hand!)

So what's my contest? PART ONE: Guess what Gren and I will be this year! Again, we're dressing as a pair mentioned in a book. We're not the main characters this time, we're only mentioned in a simile in this very old and famous book. And of course, "wolf" is somewhere in the phrase. HINT: When I ran the idea by Gren, at first he was like, "No way--I am not dressing up as a ___." But after awhile, he conceded that, while it is quite emasculating, he's manly enough to pull it off. Plus, I think it's really cute.

PART TWO: Guess what character I'm going to be at night! HINT: Lots of leather. And this one has nothing to do with wolves.

Ok you have a couple choices for a prize. The first two are paranormal, the third is a YA thriller, and the last is a thriller for adults--something Halloweeny no matter your taste, no? (By the way, my copy of SO COLD THE RIVER is signed by Michael Koryta! That's right! He touched the book and scribbled stuff on it!)

If you've already read all these or just want something else, let me know! Maybe I can bake you brownies. Mine are superb--even my foodie friends agree. In fact, I'm baking a batch for my KFM class this Saturday to show my sparring buddies how much I lav them.

Contest ends Oct 31st midnight. Comment with your answers, choice of a prize, and also your email address. If no one guesses both day and night costumes correctly, we can have two winners. And if you guess wrong, but come up with COOLER outfits for Gren and me (that's somehow a play on "wolf"), and it makes me want to change our outfits to that instead, then you win a prize too! IT'S GETTING CRAZY OVER HERE! PRIZES FOR EVERYONE*** WHOOOHAOHOWHEOO!!! Books and brownies, how can you go wrong?

-jude

***jay kay. not for everyone.

THE BLOG OF A SOPHISTICATED YOUNG PUBLISHING PROFESSIONAL IN NEW YORK CITY

2010-10-13T17:02:00.009-04:00

As you can see, there's been some changes around here. No more of that pink/white bubblegum layout--pshaw, how old do you think I am, twenty-two?!--now instead, there is only black. Like the color of the New York city skyline. My cashmere sweater. My soul.

Yes. There will be no more ~~lulz~~ or talk of ~~balls~~ and ~~skankalanks~~. Like my game face, this blog needs to exude professional, something like, "Dahhlin', if you sign with me, I'll get you a 9-figure book deal before I even sip my midday martini [haughty laughter here]." I'd do a hairflip too, if it weren't tied back in a face-pulling bun.

Obviously, there will be no more giggling, only bored amusement. If you must, however, show anything other than ennui, you may snap your fingers. Once.

Nevertheless, the transformation is not yet complete. The following is the status of the requisite steps to becoming...

MS. HARDASS POWERAGENT

[x] Subscribe to the New York Times
[x] Subscribe to The New Yorker
[x] Wear black leather skirt
[x] Wear black leather boots
[pending] Buy black scarf
[pending] Carry caffeinated beverage at all times
[pending] Order interns to buy me said caffeinated beverage
[pending] Adopt British or old money accent
[pending] Eat less, drink more

That's all for now, my dear. I'll let you know how this goes *kiss kiss*

-~~jude~~ Judith Eng...Eng...err, Engle. Judith Engle III.

better book titles

2010-10-12T13:07:00.024-04:00

from betterbooktitles.com/

Also, check this out! I'm on publisher's marketplace! Scroll all the way down to "Key Personnel"
http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/members/Ldawson/

come see this with me?

2010-10-11T18:46:00.016-04:00

in theatres Oct 29th

Salander, if things don't work out with Miriam, I'm over here!

Dear Paranormal Boy,

2010-10-09T10:22:00.011-04:00

[this entry has self-destructed]

Hitlist: 1) Adverbs; 2) Thesauruses...

2010-10-07T13:15:00.007-04:00

Yesterday was the best day ever so I figured I should blog about it now, before this heartbreaking client manuscript has me bawling.

The agent-editor party was poppin'. It was great catching up with FinePrint Lit and Nancy Coffey Literary. I miss them so!

Also, I finally met a certain editor. When I interned at FP and NC, I recommended a manuscript to an agent there, who ended up selling the book to Tor. So when I bumped into the editor at the shindig yesterday, both of us were like, "It's you!!1!" lolzolz It's just a really awesome feeling to see a manuscript you love go from intern to agent to editor. I'll let you know more details when the galleys are out. Believe me, I can't wait to share this sizzling love triangle. And you know me--have I ever led you astray?!

After that, there was a panel at the Center for Fiction called "On the Well-Tempered Sentence," which was all about language. My favorite quote from the night was from author Gary Lutz about never using thesauruses. He said something to the effect that dictionaries and thesauruses should only be used to remember a word that has escaped you; however, you should never just plug in synonyms in your sentences, because you need to use your own line of thought to find your own word. The thesaurus, after all, reflects the thought process of someone else--it's already been done and it's just going to limit your writing. It's important then to make your own word and image associations to come up with something fresh.

I like that.

It reminds me of one of George Orwell's rules for writers: "Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print."

So. The crowd was mostly made up of Columbia MFA students and I ran out of business cards pretty fast. Can't wait for the next event!

In other news, I'm still struggling to come up with a photo and bio for our website. I should've gotten my professional photographer friend from San Francisco to take my pic when he visited the other weekend. I'm debating whether or not I should fly out there next week just so he can snap a photo of me that says HI-I-AM-A-VERY-NICE-AND-FRIENDLY-YET-FIERCE-AND-COMPETENT-AGENT-WHEN-IT-COMES-TO-CHAMPIONING-YOUR-WORK.

You might think I'm making a big deal out of a dumb photo, but consider this: A writer called me once to ask if he could send his query to a certain agent here. I replied that she doesn't normally handle that genre, so maybe he should send it to so-and-so instead. The writer answered that he's aware of that, but the agent looks so welcoming and friendly, that he wants to send his query to her anyway.

See? That's the kind of picture I need!

As for my bio, I figure it's like the agent's "query letter" to the author. It has to be just so. While brainstorming, Steve Ulfelder, author of PURGATORY CHASM, suggested I open with this gem: "Judith has seldom been convicted..."

Thanks, thanks a lot, Steve.

-jude

bright eyed and bushy tailed

2010-10-06T13:18:00.006-04:00

Lack of sleep keeps me happy and sharp. As a rule, I should really snooze no more than 2-3 hrs a night, if I want to stay on top of my game. And BONUS: Studies show that sleep deprivation may lead to an irreversible personality change, so there's always the chance that one of these days I'll blink and suddenly turn into a super suave, female James Bond, amirite?

Awesome news: I need to find a photo and come up with my bio for our agency's website. Oh goodness, I have to be very careful how I present myself. If I sound like my usual self, I'll attract the crazies. But if I suppress my shenanigans, I might sound boring and blah and then who would want to query me? Sigh. This is going to take awhile.

So yea, books. Tonight I'm dropping by an agent-editor party, then running over to a panel "On the Well-Tempered Sentence" at the Center for Fiction. Hopefully, I'll meet new faces so I can give away some of these business cards and get them down to 490 billion...

Oh yeah, I finished Mockingjay. Solid ending to a trilogy. FYI Gale, Finnick, and Cinna are joining my harem. BACK OFF!

Now I'm reading Gary Corby's The Pericles Commission, a mystery set in Ancient Greece. The setting is so authentic and vivid, and Nico is such a funny narrator--I love it! I can totally see this as a TV show, kind of like ROME but you know...GREECE. Plus it's a lot funnier than Rome, and Gary's a master plotter of mysteries so yea. Can't wait for the train ride home so I can keep reading!

-jude

to my arch nemesis

2010-10-02T00:14:00.016-04:00

I admit I haven't been doing my daily pushups lately, unless you count the bicep curl motion it takes to transport fries, chocolate, and sour patch kids into my mouth. I need to cut this crap out unless I want to let my King-of-Sparta physique go. After a month of Keysi Fighting Method, I can totally pass for Leonidas' doppelganger, I swear, or at least the understudy of his third cousin in an off-off-Broadway play.

(This. is. AGENTINGGGG!)

Though as a disclaimer, I must tell you that as a little girl of nine, I never hunted wolves in the frozen tundra.

I hunted with wolves, b*tches!

(This is me and Grendel in a victory hug after scaring the bejeezus out of a squirrel.)

(This is Grendel wearing a hat made of said squirrel after it died of natural causes.)

But you know, hunting was just the first step of my training. Saturday morning I've got KFM again, the most efficient fighting style out there--which makes sense since it's the street version of Jeet Kune Do, and we all know Bruce Lee's the man. Years ago, I used to look up Jeet Kune Do moves on our dialup connection and practice punching the door in our basement (the door won). BUT LOOK AT ME NOW--I needed to buy new shirts today because my muscles were just bursting through.

But really. I should stop talking about KFM here on teh interwebs. My arch nemesis could be stalking my page as we speak, in search of my weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Joke's on him though, because I DON'T HAVE ANY! moo ooh ooh ah ah ah.

Well, unless you count sad stories.

Despite my rippling, veiny exterior, inside I'm actually really a mush. Sure, I love happy stories--the memory of which will keep me giddy and mushy for the next 3 months.

But a tragedy, that's my kryptonite.

Those stories will break my heart over and over for the next 10 years. It's just ohh so close but aghh why can't he just make it home in time to save his wife and son before the legion rapes/burns/hangs them both?! why'd he have to turn around and take an arrow to the heel at the last freakin second?! why can't she just get past his pedophilia and see the broken--albeit, old--lover within?!***

Maybe it's just me, but I think tragedies haunt us, lasting longer in the heart and mind than happy endings.

SO, ARCH NEMESIS. If you really want to break me down, why don't you send me an awesome query, followed by an awesomely tragic manuscript--yea, yea you do that!

I'm by the slush pile. Waiting. With my Kleenex.

What about you? What's your weakness when it comes to books?
***(bonus points if you guess my top three favorite films/novels)

You Date Who You Read

2010-09-29T23:59:00.018-04:00

ABSTRACT. This study investigates the effect of fictional characters on readers' love lives, exploring the way in which books read during the subjects' formative years influence the subjects' tastes in choosing a significant other.

EXHIBIT A. I have this friend, see--let's call her Jade--who was obsessed with Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera in third grade. Long before joining Team Edward and Team Gale, little Jade was Team Phantom. She believed Christine was a dumb, skanky strumpet for choosing the pansy Raoul over the dark, brooding musical genius. Who cares if he's deformed? she thought. If he keeps that mask on, you can't even tell the difference! No, you know what? Take the mask off--the scarring only makes him hotter.

As you can see, little Jade was off to a great start in the boy department.

Besides devouring The Phantom of the Opera, Jade also read Little Women and Emma that same year. And what do those two books have in common? OLD DUDES. Ok ok sorry, they're not old per se, just...mature men. Jo March gets with the German Professor in like, what, his fifties?, while 18-year-old Emma ends up with thirtysomething Mr. Knightley.

So far, we have this mixing in Jade's subconscious:

Fast forward nine years to when Jade turns 18. Who's her first boyfriend? A 32-year-old, brooding, musical genius.

(You just got chills, I know.)

Needless to say, it didn't work out. She eventually learned that using 19th century novels as guides to her love life probably isn't the best idea. She has since then tried to ignore her wiry programming and look at boys her own age, though her proclivities still show every now and then--like the time she called the 90-year-old Clint Eastwood "hot" in Million Dollar Baby.

EXHIBIT B. Jade's friend, let's call her Mary, loved Catcher in the Rye and was absolutely enamored with Holden Caulfield. And who was her first high school boyfriend? Holden effing Caulfield.

CONCLUSION. Judging by this overwhelmingly large and varied sample size, it is thus unarguable that the books you read as a child subconsciously program your criteria for a significant other (p<.00001). The lesson? Books can affect your own happily-ever-after more than you think.

Have you ever dated a character in RL? Did it work out? Add to this case study by commenting and let me know!

my pitch

2010-09-17T00:28:00.008-04:00

Sharon asked her readers to practice pitching their books in 30 words or less, but since I don't have a, you know, "completed" or even "partial" book per se, I decided to write a pitch for my life.

(ahem, ahem)
"A literary assistant moonlights as a bounty hunter when she discovers the villains from the rejected slush pile have come alive to terrorize her town."

Look me in the eye and TELL me that that book isn't worth a seven-figure, 3-book deal!

In other news, no working LIRR trains at Penn Station tonight. Penn was pretty much in lock down with cops everywhere and a metal grating that kept people outside from getting in, and people inside from getting out. Luckily my dad had his car in the city so I asked him for a ride. Unluckily, there were fallen trees everywhere, resulting in amazing traffic. We started driving at 6:30pm and arrived home at 12:30am.

Exactly 6 hours to cover 24 miles = a whopping 4 mph.

As in, I could've run home in about the same time.

Speaking of exercise, my Keysi school's grand re-opening is on Saturday! IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, Keysi is the fighting style used in Batman Begins and Dark Knight.

(that's me in the cape there)

Normally, I never get angry, but getting punched in the eye will do the trick.

Let me explain: At the end of each session, the whole class gangs up on you so it's 7 vs. 1, to get you used to fighting multiple opponents. And well, I can only block so many hits and so I took a few juicy jabs right in the eye, after which I started growling, baring my teeth, and going berserk. Well, as berserk as my toothpick arms could go, at least. But the instructor was like "Finally! You're getting angry!"

Hm. Rage, how strange.

-jude

all about the bidness

2010-09-14T20:26:00.010-04:00

The agency gave me business cards! With my name on it! They had 500 billion printed--I counted.

Also, today I called a publisher in France and surprised myself with my fluent French. Ok so my accent was pretty abysmal, but I remembered all the vocab and conjugations necessary to have a conversation. Ok ok so it was a pretty one-sided dialogue, given that I didn't catch anything he said, but you know. I'm pretty sure we're bffs now. We had a moment, we did, right before he hung up as he yelled, "Va te faire foutre!"

In other news, Keysi Fighting Method is still awesome. I've got this sick bruise on my ~~puny~~bulging bicep here, telling all the passersby "Don't mess!" Or maybe it's more, "Help--my boyfriend beats me!" But either way, it's a badge of...of something.

But you're right. This is a book blog. I need to focus.

I'm currently reading the thriller Shadowman that came out in 2007 and you know, Cody gets me every time. I read The Face of Death (2008) too and he just always makes me cry. His thrillers are gruesome and twisted, for all the fans of gore out there, but they're so, so tender too and I end up weeping on the train 3-4 times in just one novel. As in, full body-shaking sobs while the guy sitting next to me shifts in his seat and jumps out at the next stop.

Basically, every time I read Cody's work, I find myself holding my breath because the killer! the killer! behind you!!! while I'm mentally taking note of all the poignant lines that I'd like to try on my husband someday and when the train stops I'm all disoriented because I'm pretty sure I just watched my whole family die, but no it's just the characters in the book and I end up valuing my life, family, and friends so much more. I KNOW THAT SOUNDED REALLY CHEESY, but when I put down his book I'm like "Omg. A serial killer can break into my house any second," at which point I send a mass text to my friends, all two of them, saying "I LOVE YOU PLZ DON'T DIE :(!!1!"

So if you're looking for a dark thriller, Cody's novels are right up your alley. They're freaking intense.

-jude

Goodbye, Summer Friday

2010-09-10T16:56:00.012-04:00

~~Tonight, I'm skipping my Keysi training to attend a talk about comic literary novels. I was excited about it, but then I got more excited for kicking butt in KFM, so now I'm torn.~~ Nevermind, I'm going to my Keysi class. The panel tonight is just these two authors talking about their OWN books and well, I already read their comic novels and honestly, I wasn't lol'ing as much as I'd hoped.

And I know this is a book blog and all, but Keysi Fighting Method is not as irrelevant as you might think. Times are tough, etc etc, and if the royalties are slow coming in, I'm planning on moonlighting as a bounty hunter once I get my black belt. Pretty solid plan, no?

More on books: I was second in line for the Mockingjay midnight release party, elbowing middle schoolers aside and flaunting my signed copy in front of the mile-long line.

I haven't read it yet though.

Last thing: Agenting--or rather, assistant agenting--is intense. You fall in love with a manuscript and are on edge all week (AGENTSEdge har har har), waiting to see if the potential client will end up working with you, and goodness, I don't know what to do with myself 'til then. My heart can't take the intensityyyyy

The Best Things Come in Threes...AUGUST Three!

2010-08-03T17:14:00.008-04:00

1. It's my best friend's birthday today.
Send presents. I'll, uh, make sure they get to her.

2. It's my boyfriend's best friend's birthday today too.
(Isn't that cute? Geminis and leos are supposed to make excellent pals, and me and my boyfriend--geminis born eight days apart--are BFFs with two leos born on the same day [cue the awww's])

3. And finally, NUMB IS HERE. Now you can know what I've been talking about.

Well done, August 3rd. Well done.

Re: Sean Ferrell's How to Get an Author Blurb

2010-07-29T00:56:00.010-04:00

(Sean Ferrell's lessons on asking authors for a blurb)

Dear Mr. Ferrell,

I couldn't wait for NUMB's release date five days from now so I downloaded it illegally (I hope you don't mind). Smart thinking on my part, because now I can be the first to ask if you'll write a blurb for the front cover of my book.

(By the way, I'm sorry for the whole piracy thing, but there was no other choice. I tried breaking into your agent's office for a galley, but as I neared her door, the Jaws music proved too suspenseful and frightened me away. But it's all for the best--along with your novel and a dozen viruses, the file included a hidden folder with one gigabyte of porn.)

May I just say thank you for creating my favorite character of all time? I felt particularly drawn to Hiko on a deeper level than most readers because I, too, am Asian. And though I am not blind, I too date only white men. However, I had a bit of a problem with Emilia and her kitty claws. By posing Emilia and Hiko as contrasts, it is as if you were implying that Hiko does not have claws and thus lacks the RAWR factor in the boudoir, if you know what I mean. This struck me as unfair and I would have liked to see Hiko take on Emilia in a giant cat fight, say, in a mud wrestling pit or some other similar venue (this idea, I admit, struck me as I was perusing the gigabyte of hidden files). While Emilia has the advantage of size and sight, Hiko is Asian and is thus a ninja, or at the very least a black belt in karate, able to foresee Emilia's punches seconds before they land (let's see how those claws help you now! HA HA HA). Perhaps you can consider this alternate ending for the second printing of NUMB.

Even as is, I still consider NUMB a brilliant book and would be honored if you wrote a blurb for my own debut. Though I have yet to finish or start my book, I would like to know in advance if you would be willing to promote the work of your #1 fan. Plus, if I know you're going to blurb me, it will provide extra incentive for me to write my story.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,
Judith

(Disclaimer: In no way does the post above advocate the illegal sharing of copyrighted files. Please go to your local bookstore or Amazon.com and purchase a copy instead. In fact, purchase five.)

I'm a fan

2010-07-17T10:40:00.008-04:00

So far, I've reviewed urban fantasy, YA, and literary fiction, and in case you weren't convinced and are still looking for something different, perhaps you're more into literary thrillers, eh?

Meet Intelligence by Susan Hasler, a former counterterrorism analyst for the CIA for 21 years. Now she writes about the misadventures of Maddie and the motley crew working in the Ministry of Intelligence, aka the Mines.

What I love about this book is its dark humor. The issues are serious--an impending terrorist attack, narrowminded policymakers, a government coverup, the inefficient structure found in all offices including the CIA--but Hasler somehow manages to make the book hysterically funny. This book is pretty much The Office meets Catch-22. The level of ineptitude of certain characters is both gut-wrenching and awe-inspiring. Seriously, how did those people get at the top? We see the counterterrorist experts hot on the trail of an active terrorist cell, only to have their research shut down by the higher ups, since the analysts' findings don't match up with the government's political agenda (i.e. invading Iran). Basically, the bosses all want to cover their @$$ and suck up to the President or VP or what have you, so they only say what the VIPs want to hear, instead of reporting the truth the analysts dug up. So if your bosses shoot down your reports and the policymakers won't listen and the country is on the brink of invading another Middle Eastern country, what's a CIA analyst to do?!

Anyway, this is a literary spy thriller that deals with politics, but it's fun, fast, and hilarious. Hasler is definitely a writer to watch out for and I can'ttttt wait for her next book. Read it. Laugh. Gasp. Be enlightened.

-jude

Literary Sins

2010-07-08T16:52:00.002-04:00

After the holiday weekend, the slush pile looked pretty intimidating, but it's back down to zero! Hallelujah.

Speaking of which, I received a reply from an author I emailed a rejection to 15 days ago. I sent a simple, polite form rejection since I didn't request his work or anything, and this is what he replied:

"Forgive the literary agents, Father! They don't know what they're doing."

Wow. I had no idea I was communing with the messiah of authors. If only he had signed his query "Sincerely, Jesus" I would've requested his manuscript.

HOW OLD IS LADY GAGA?!

2010-06-30T23:00:00.007-04:00

She may or may not be a transvestite or a member of the Illuminati. That's besides the point. The question isn't who is Lady GaGa, but how old. The answer? Approximately infinity.
Exhibit A: The cover of the latest Rolling Stone, featuring Lady GaGa, "born" 1986.

Exhibit B: Ayn Rand, "born" 1905, "died" 1982.

DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS?!
Ayn Rand + 5 lbs of makeup - all her clothes = Lady GaGa

Lady G has been around since 1905 at least--who knows what her name was before then! Think about it. How else could Ayn have written both The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged? That's 2120 pages right there, and that's just two of her books--impossible in just one lifetime! Speaking of which, I cross-referenced all of Rand's texts with GaGa's lyrics on my cutting edge TI-89 and here are the results:

1) Like GaGa, no one can read Dagny's poker face.

2) "Beautiful Dirty Rich" is pretty much Dagny's anthem.

3) Dagny wants your bad romance too. So far, she's had three.

4) "Alejandro" is a Spanishy name, which rhymes with Dagny's childhood sweetheart, Francisco, ALSO a Spanishy name.

5) When Dagny is in Galt's Gulch, she too has no telephone service and can't hear a thing.

The similarities are endless.

Ultimately, the evidence is indisputable. GaGa/Rand is one and the same. Furthermore, she spends eternity recreating herself as a celebrity with each generation.

I know what you're thinking. The logic of this post is so complex, how can you tell if it's true?! It's okay. You can trust me on this. I was a Philosophy minor.

-jude

Personal Demons

2010-06-25T23:54:00.013-04:00

It's almost here! On Sept. 14th, your life will be changed. Personal Demons by Lisa Desrochers is one of those books that'll trigger the obsession switch in your brain. I read this back in...when, January? And I still think about Luc everyday. True, I'm a nerd, but this doesn't happen with any old book I read!

Ok let me try to explain the awesomeness. The protagonist, Frannie, for once, is a smart girl. What a flippin relief! She's not an annoying Bella. Frannie's got brains and her judo skills are kickass. And she doesn't mind getting her hands dirty fixing up old cars. I'll admit. I'm crushing on Frannie.

But then there's Luc and oh. my. gawd. He had me at page one. I was giggling on the rush hour train, elbow to elbow with old men in suits. A couple times, I had to put the book down in order to stop blushing and making swoony faces in public. Besides being a hot bad boy, Luc knows all the classic novels by heart. And can speak any language. Ok, so he's a demon, but he makes being bad look so good! And the chemistry between Frannie and Luc...If it was any hotter, it wouldn't be YA. You just have to trust me and read it. Then I'll have to fight all of you off because Luc is mine.

Exhibit A: I was obsessed with Edward Cullen as much as the next girl. I may have even photoshopped myself in a bunch of pictures with him and tagged them on Facebook. There might even be a whole album of it.

(A few candid shots of me & Eddie. The paparazzi just don't quit!)

However, our relationship ended when Luc Cain walked into Haden High. Sorry, Eddie.

What I'm trying to say is, Personal Demons changed my whole world. After reading it, all I could think of was, WHERE HAS THIS BOOK BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! I was skipping around on the sidewalks of Manhattan after reading this. With a doofy smile on my face. This post can't do it justice. I'm getting it for all my friends' birthdays. And it will be the best gift ever.

Please. Tell me you read it already/are reading it/will read it soon so I can finally talk to someone about this!

-jude

And the winner is...

2010-06-20T10:45:00.013-04:00

Thanks to everyone who entered! Your answers kept me lol'ing all night long. And since I never got to enter the contest myself, here's what my answer would've been.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE?!: I'd let him bite me and turn me into a zombie so we can have sloppy, gooey zombiekisses. Then we can gnaw on each other frealz in between smooches! Mmm mm good

Now for the real winner...

MARGUERITE BUTLER!!1! who said, "Would I have to do something? As long as he could still take out the trash and mow the lawn, I could probably find people who didn't need their brains for him to snack on. I really hate mowing the lawn."

Marguerite, I like how you think. Something similar actually crossed my mind before. I've tried to be vegan multiple times in the past, and was actually pescatarian for 5 months or so, but in the end meat always seduced me. My carnivorous craving would be instantly sated though if, instead of eating animals, I just ate dumb humans instead. Save the animals! Eat more people!

So back to Marguerite: Besides having a brilliant answer, she also has a really funny blog filled with fuzzy farm animals and lolcats. You're gonna wanna follow her.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your copy of Dust!

In other news, things are going smoother and smoother at work. I think I'm getting the hang of things and really learning what my boss is looking for and how she likes things done. Soon, I'll be able to finish her sentences. But that's not enough. I want to be THE best lit assistant ever and be TOTALLY in sync with her. And the only way to do that is to connect the ends of our gangly ponytails and be the six-legged horse to her blue giant.

Soon we will be unstoppable.

Anyway, I hope she feels the same and agrees that I'm getting better at my job. Wouldn't it be funny if, as I dream of us becoming the literary dream team, she pinkslips me on Friday? Lolololz

OKAY enough shenanigans. It is Father's Day but also time for some extra reading so I can impress her! :)

I SEE YOU,
Jude

Dust

2010-06-10T21:34:00.008-04:00

My dad stopped by today so I finally had to move my 49 books from the living room coffee table into my room. But if I want to go to sleep tonight, I'm going to have to magically transport the books from my bed onto my bookshelf. But to fit it in my bookshelf, I have to move my college notebooks and middle school diaries to the little shelf. And to do that I need to move my Disney Princess and Blink 182 cassette tapes to...?

I don't like throwing stuff out.

Cleaning is like that square puzzle game from when we were kids, you know the one with 8 little square pieces and 1 free space? And you had to shift everything one space and mess everything up in order to get one piece right? SIGH.
Speaking of cleaning and all the dust flying around, I might as well give some books away since I can't fit them all on my shelf, eh? So who wants a galley of DUST by Joan Frances Turner?!?!?!

(Note: This is not the cover of the galley. It's red with text on the front...sorry...)

I haven't read it yet, but it um has something to do with zombies having feelings and stuff. It looks really good, I swear! I'll get to it soon...

This is my very first contest, so uhh I guess like, leave a comment or something, maybe? Let me think of some parameters...

1) Tell me WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE?! in 100 words or less. (ok answers = +1; lulz = +2; LOLLERCOASTER = +5)

2) Subscribe to teh blog (+1) [the button is down at the footer]

3) Tweet and/or blog about this contest (+1)

4) Leave your email so I can tell you when you've won :):)!:!!)!:!@!!1

Ends Friday, June 18th 11:59pm

Ok so this is the blandest post I've ever written. Sorry. It's this job you know? Don't get me wrong--I love getting paid to read all day. Plus, my boss just gave me an OFFICE KEY (I have entered the circle of trust!) and she's giving me her old computer (which my leet hacker friends are going to work on and get all souped up), so did I mention that I love my job? Despite all my mushy feelings about work, I get home at 7:30 pm all pooped out, then I walk the dog for an hour, read for 30 minutes then pass the eff out. AT 10:30PM! I am old and boring now.

I didn't always used to be like this. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I went to bed at 2 or 3 am (sudoku and cryptographs are addicting) and just got my zZZzZz's in class. Or I'd sleep in and skip my first class. Or take a power nap at lunch. But did you know: YOU CAN'T SLEEP AT WORK. I know, it shocked me too.

So it's 10:07 pm I have to brush my teeth. I guess I'll just push the rest of these books onto the floor for now...

-jude

beaten

2010-06-04T21:55:00.003-04:00

Found a good ms from the slush pile. Requested the full. Loved it. Recommended it to my boss. Checked the author's blog. Discovered he JUST signed with an agent.

Balls.

At first I was really heartbroken. I didn't even want to talk about it. But then...I realized that yes, it was good, and yes I thought I loved it, but it's not like it's the best thing I've ever read. Stuff by Steve Ulfelder, Gary Corby, and Sean Ferrell are infinitely better, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. So now I don't feel so bad. I mean, the ms that I lost was just the best that I've seen so far as an assistant for about a month. It was good writing, but not something I'd insist for you to read.

Ulfelder's Purgatory Chasm, Corby's The Pericles Commission, and Ferrell's Numb, though, I would swear by.

So everything is ok. I stopped hyperventilating a couple minutes ago. It's ok it's ok.

Still, mark my words: THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M GOING TO LOSE OUT ON A MS BECAUSE OF SPEED. Even though I discovered that this ms isn't all I initially thought it was anyway, I still don't like the feeling of knowing someone got there before me. NEVER AGAIN!

Do you see this? It's my GAME FACE.

Lock&load,
Jude

There's Comic Con, Otakon, and then there's BEA

2010-05-28T00:56:00.004-04:00

Since I registered as a member of the PRESS, I might as well do my job and report on my first BEA experience. Let's put it this way: If throwing free shirts to the crowd at a metal show ranks at 5 on a scale of insanity, and if bridezillas at Filene's Basement Wedding Dress Extravaganza is a 10, then giving away free arcs at BEA would score an 8.75. Here's how to not die at BEA:

BEA SURVIVAL TIPS
Rule #1: There is no etiquette. You know who posts those etiquette guidelines online? People who want you to lose while they snatch all the galleys for themselves. This list I've compiled, however, is for winners. See this badge? I'm with the press. You can trust me.

Rule #2: Arrive 6 hrs before exhibit floor opens and before autograph tickets are sold. OR ELSE NO BOOKS 4U. You can sleep while camping out on line...

Rule #3: God gave you elbows--use them. Facepalming and sticking your foot in someone's path are all legal moves as well, as long as you smile and yell SORRY over your shoulder, while they cough and eat your dust. Also, once you start amassing books, you can use the bulk of your neon BEA tote bag to block others from weaving ahead of you.

Rule #4: Why speedwalk when you can run? DO YOU WANT THE BOOKS OR WHAT.

Through it all, just keep your eye on the prize.

(Not shown: Kody Keplinger's The DUFF and Cory Doctorow's For the Win, which are waiting for me at the FP office, as well as 5 e-books--including Charles Benoit's YOU)

So. My reading list just got multiplied by a million. Also, where am I going to store all these books. I need to buy another shelf.

-jude

Coming of Age

2010-05-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

If you happened to look at the sky yesterday, you would've seen the planets aligned just so: four bright white dots in a row south of the waxing moon, which only happens once every 93 years. This can only mean one thing--BEA coinciding with my 22nd birthday.

I know what you're thinking, and it's true. BEA turned me into a woman.

I know the second thing you're thinking and it's not true. The birthday girl did not get extra EXTRA galleys. I had to man the office in the afternoon, so I missed the Editor's Buzz and left BEA empty-handed. It was a low point in my womanhood.

But that's okay. Tomorrow, I'mma getchu galleys. I'mma getchu.

zzZzZzzzZ,
Jude

Things You Wouldn't Think a Literary Assistant Needs to Know

2010-05-19T19:25:00.000-04:00

This is week three of being a literary assistant (I just wrapped up my finals on Monday & graduation is on Saturday) and I'm still loving it. Now that I'm getting in the swing of things, the office is getting pretty hectic. Between meetings and client mss, the slush pile is a ~~monster~~ gift that just keeps on giving. I've had four publishing/agenting internships in the past, but I've never handled all the little things that need to get done in an office, you know? The administrative details that assistants are paid to take care of. So do you want to know a secret?

When I get to work in the morning, I sit at my desk, take a deep breath, and ask myself: "What Would Joan From MADMEN Do?"

Overall, though, I think I'm transitioning from College Girl to Working Woman pretty well. I mean, I'm not fired yet, so that's good, amirite or amirite? In fact, I'm pretty proud that I've managed to make myself useful around the office. Let me explain (ahemahem)...

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW AS A LITERARY ASSISTANT, I LEARNED IN HIGH SCHOOL:

Anime...and by extension, the Japanese language We had a meeting with a Japanese publisher today, who flew in just for BEA, and boy! I think my boss was pretty surprised when I broke out with Watashi wa Judisu desu! Hajimemashte! (I am Judith. Nice to meet you!) The publisher was thrilled and said something back, to which I could only reply "...um...hai!"

So thank you to my sensei in high school who taught me Japanese for two years, and of course, how could I forget all those glorious episodes of Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Kenshin, Samurai Champloo, and Saber Marionette J. Naturally, I had to filter through the rolodex of Japanese phrases I picked up from anime shows. I don't think it would've went over very well if I had said "Baka!" (Idiot!) or "Watashi wa battousai desu!" (I am a manslayer!). In any case, arigato gozaimasu to my sensei.
Comics are apparently handy for lit assistants to know. Who knew? One of our clients is working on a graphic novel, so I was able to point out some stuff that could be improved, since I've made comic books in the past.

Exhibit A: A cartoon I doodled of Descartes boxing Hume during Early Modern Philosophy class.

Exhibit B: A spoof of Wolverine I photoshopped of me and my friends.

Exhibit C: Fangirl comics I made for Lisa Desrochers and Kody Keplinger.

And Exhibit D: An epic graphic novel about the saga that is my love life.

THUS IN SHORT ULTIMATELY HENCE, these little doodles may have seemed like procrastination in the past, but they're coming in pretty handy now with our client's graphic novel project. PROCRASTINATION FTW.
Francais Everyone said I should just take Spanish because no one speaks French, and in fact, they shut down the French program at my high school, but lo and behold! One of our authors, Jesse Kellerman, won the Elle literary award in France, and guess who researched the details on Google French? Moi.

This turned out to be much longer than I intended. THIS WAS MY THESIS: Literary assistants do a lot of miscellaneous things and this is why we get paid teh $big bucks$.*

*Note: $big bucks$ for me means any salary at all.

Off to read a hilarious client ms that has me giggling in my cubicle. It's so Vonnegut-esque, I will let you know more later.

Have a day,
Jude

Gladiator 2

2010-05-19T00:05:00.001-04:00

Robin Hood was good. Not amazing, though. There was so much more they could have done with the story about Robin Hood's beginning. Also, I don't think Ridley Scott really knew about Robin Hood before making this movie...

I won't give away any spoilers, but I'm just saying. Think of Robin Hood in your head. Good-hearted but sly, cunning, agile, thief, sneaky, mischievous, joker, flirtacious, yes? That's what I think at least. This movie didn't really deliver any of that. Except maybe the good-hearted part. Which I think they overdid.

Plus, some lines were cheesy and the scene transitions were abrupt. It just...didn't flow. I was distracted by how they made the movie and all of the little details that didn't fit. And when the craft of moviemaking (or writing, designing, etc) is distracting, then you know there's a problem. When working on the typesetting, margins, design, etc. of a book, my graphic design prof said that the artistry behind all our decisions should be transparent, so all you see is the story. So essentially, the goal is to work hard and make something beautiful so that the work you put into it is invisible. Robin Hood didn't achieve this. I don't know if I'm just being overly critical, but throughout the movie, I was wondering, "Didn't an intern read the screenplay before sending this out?! Who let this happen?"

I'm not saying it's BAD. It's definitely worth the $12 ticket. But I liked Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and Iron Man 2 more. All I'm saying is that Robin Hood the movie has so much potential, but this was just all right.

Lock&load,
Jude

Girl wif the dragon tat

2010-05-17T17:32:00.000-04:00

Probably the best book/series I've read this year. And the movie, oh gawd the movie! Usually movies can't compare to the book, right? But this was flippin awesome. Go see it. Quick, before they make the American version, which is bound to suck. Why can't we just stick with the Swedish version!? It was, you know, authentic. But now they're going to ruin it by making all the characters beautiful and Hollywoodish *shakes fist* anything but Hollywoodish!

Salander is my girl. She was cast so perfectly, it's unbelievable. Wow.

I want to see it again. Come with?

numnumnum

2010-05-15T01:15:00.000-04:00

I've finished Numb by Sean Ferrell and don't know what to do with myself. ACK I was so sad when I realized I was towards the end already. I want MOAR. The voice of Numb, the main character, is just so addicting and cool. I'll be walking to class or whatever, and remember things he said in the book, or imagine what he would say about this or that (I may or may not be delusional). I want to hang out with him in RL. And maybe slip him a roofie. TELL ME IF I AM CRAZY. READ THIS BOOK AND LET ME KNOW IF THIS HAPPENS TO YOU TOO. Please. Do it for me. Do it for science.

Besides falling in love with Numb, I'm also in love with Hiko (no homo). She's just so pure. And good. And sexy. And smart. I want to be her in real life.

Overall, the writing is so witty and poetic yet casual at the same time. WHERE DOES SEAN FERRELL COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?! It's brilliant. It's so good that the ARC was auctioned for $225. So really, this is a must read.

I'm On The Radio!

2010-05-13T23:35:00.001-04:00

Listen to 87.7 FM Indie Darkroom to hear my song "Humbert Loves You, Lolita"

They've been playing it on regular rotation apparently and will soon be streaming on their site!

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

Hugs & giggles,
Jude

Week 2

2010-05-13T01:54:00.000-04:00

read 190 queries on Tuesday, 150 in the inbox, 40 in the mail. At first I made categories and kept track of why I was rejecting what, but that got tedious after the 5th query. So I'm sorry. But I guesstimate that I requested maybe 15. Or something.

One that really stuck out to me was a memoir by a pedophile and the query was basically like, "I WANT TO LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT GOES ON INSIDE MY BRAIN." But see, the query was written just like that, so the manuscript probably had the same tone and...CAN YOU IMAGINE READING 49 CHAPTERS OF THIS. NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO. And anyway, if we wanted to get inside the mind of a pedophile, we would just read (drum roll please) Lolita, and I highly doubt his memoir can beat Lolita, which is undoubtedly the best novel written in the English language. Ok, so maybe not the best, but it's fourth best: Modern Library 100 Best Novels in the 20th Century. (Again with the Lolita?! Yes, I know. I can't write a single post without mentioning pedophilia. Apologies)

Other things I've noticed and cringed at in queries: Use of the word "fictitious" (i.e. "In my fictitious novel...") and even better, "fictitiously" (i.e. "I fictitiously portray John..."). Also, when queries mention how many chapters and pages the ms is (these numbers tell me nothing. Who knows what font, font size, & margins the ms has?).

In any case, I've been requesting more than I probably should. After reading so many, I'm just dying to find a good one so my standards drop and next thing you know, my inbox is full of okay mss. And then I find a query that makes me jump in my seat, and I remember how high my standards should've been all along. But I'm getting the hang of this assistant thing, I think. Hopefully.

That is all. I have a final tomorrow that I haven't studied for. I am strangely calm. Or, NUMB, if you will--heehee, the title of the awesome arc I'm reading at the moment, goodness I can't stop thinking about it. ANYWAY, now to cram an entire semester into a few sleepy hours...

Over & out,
Jude

DOET

2010-05-11T02:29:00.000-04:00

Quick game about books that made me roffle.

http://www.sporcle.com/games/buckleppin/literaturefmls

I think from now on, we should always write taglines as FML quotes.

Monies

2010-05-09T08:49:00.000-04:00

Things I Can Finally Afford:

Soap. Now New Yorkers will not be afraid to sit next to me on the subway.
Comb. Maybe large insects and bees will stop getting tangled in the forcefield that is my hair.
Laptop. So I won't need to boot up my comp with a fist to the screen every morning.
Jiu Jitsu classes...Enough said.
Hi-hat pole thing. So my drumset will actually be functional instead of acting as a 5-piece clothing stand.

This post is just a big joke. You have all been had. I still can't actually afford any of these things because all my money is going into my Move-Out-and-Get-an-Apartment-in-Brooklyn fund. I'm going to live with my best friend. It's going to be great. Just like Friends. Or Sex and the City. But really more like Seinfeld, if the cast was non-Jewish, all female, and 100x nerdier.

Actually, disregard this entire post. All my money is now devoted to winning this: http://dothewritethingfornashville.blogspot.com/2010/05/day-4-item-9.html

Nymphets do not occur in polar regions.

2010-05-06T20:47:00.000-04:00

Handed in my thesis today (late), now going to work on my other two papers that were due a couple days ago. But you guys should help me prepare for the defense of my thesis! Three professors are going to ask me questions about my Lolita thesis, so you know, ask away! There must be SOMETHING you've always wanted to know about Lolita, eh? eh?! EH!?!!?

I wrote a song about Lolita, if you care to listen: www.myspace.com/aureliasun

My favorite quote: "And presently I was driving through the drizzle of the dying day, with my windshield wipers in full action but unable to cope with my tears."
There, there Humbert. Even pedophiles get emo, sometimes...

Oh and about my job: I still love it :D I have my own email account thingy!

And my mistake. The walls aren't teal, they are robin's egg blue.

Day One

2010-05-04T23:36:00.000-04:00

First day of work, most awesome day of my life. I found what I want to do forever. Can I? Can I? Plz?!!?

Office is on the 20th floor. Freakin jaw-dropping view of NYC. Windows take up most of the walls, so sunlight is always pouring in. I bet we don't even need to turn the lights on, it's so sunny. And the walls are teal.

And I get my own secluded desk! And a comfy chair!

I jizzed my pants a little when I sat down. Not gonna lie.

Within the next few days, I'm going to get my own email account. And--get this--BUSINESS CARDS. They're giving me little pieces of paper with my NAME on it. This is so freakin legit. And looks like I can go to BEA too.

I wish I could just throw all my energy into my job right now, but I'm not done with school yet. And my thesis was due YESTERDAY (still have 7 pgs to write).
Oh yea. And Thursday I have two papers due (total of 15 pgs). In the past 48 hrs, I've gotten only 2 hrs of sleep. 1hr sleep per 24hrs is a good enough ratio, ya?

So going through queries today, I had a surprisingly high number that couldn't conjugate verbs properly. I mean, ok one query a day that leaves out articles and mixes tenses is expected. But I came across at least three! So I wondered, "Is it me?! Am I woozy from lack of sleep?" So I check and rechecked, but nope. The three really couldn't conjugate or use articles. See? Do not fret! I can function perfectly on no sleep. I'm a freakin cylon.

What made my day: A delivery guy walked in and said, "Ju-det? Is there a j00-dette here?" I popped up, all embarrassed since the whole office can hear, but then he gives me flowers! From FinePrint! It was the sweetest thing anyone's done for me. None of this could've happened without you guys! It's like we're playing a game, "How Many Agents Does It Take To Get Judith A Job?" It finally worked and and and. I feel like my life's finally starting.

I HAS JOB.

2010-04-27T21:59:00.000-04:00

This intern is now a literary assistant.

LEVEL 1 UP!

/confetti!
/balloons!
/ALCOHOLS!

I wonder if this will affect my tweets and blogposts. Like, do I have to sound maturer now. And not as ~~retarded~~ jejune? Herm.

In any case, this is my very first full-time j0rb. Welcome me into the real world! I am now a real person.

JANE SLAYRE!

2010-04-10T12:05:00.000-04:00

In stores this Tuesday, April 13th!

Click Here to Win an iPad!

2010-04-08T20:53:00.000-04:00

Like any other reader, there's lots of things I check for in manuscripts--voice, plot, dialogue, the whole shebang--but here's probably the first thing I notice: if the writing sounds like *I* could've written it.

It's such a let down, when that thought floats through my mind. I mean, I'm no writer, so if I think the writing sounds like me or worse, then that's minus 50 brownie points, mister. Then I get this crazy idea that maybe I *can* be a writer! It's a side effect from reading "meh" stories; I suddenly get this hope that maybe I'm not so bad after all.

BUT THEN, I'll come across good writing. Freaking awesome writing (for instance, I'm currently reading Pieces of Sky by Kaki Warner, but more on that later...) that I can't put down and after awhile I realize I've been holding my breath and I don't even care that I'm giggling like a giddy school girl on a crowded subway...

That's when I concede, "Wow. There's no way I can ever be a writer." And then I gush to my supervisors "GUYS GUYS GUYS! I FOUND...THE ONE!!1!!1" and then they sign her as a client, sell a jillion books, make it a movie, so we all can retire and take daily naps and eat red velvet cupcakes on the beach at sunset.

THE END

Guernsey

2010-04-03T16:05:00.000-04:00

I know ya'll have read this already, but I never got to blog about it because...well, I didn't have a blog back then. But I've been reading a lot of commercial mss lately so I picked this off my shelf for a bit of a change. And I fell in love all over again.

I first read it last spring when I was interning for Random House and they gave me a free copy. I was really shocked that they'd give me one of the hottest titles that season, but they're so generous with books over there :)

In case you're the one person left who hasn't read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, I won't give away who Juliet chooses, so I'll just call him THE GUY. THE GUY is amazing, just wow. The romance was so much better because it wasn't a romance. I mean, the love story was subtle until the very end when BAM! It grips your heart and doesn't let go and you're left reading the last pages over and over and over...And I'm really impressed that contemporary authors Shaffer and Barrows could create a story reminiscent of Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre. Just lovely.

Of course, there was a lot more to the story than the romance. But I promised this would just be a quick post because people are waiting for me lol.

How about you? What were your thoughts when reading Guernsey for the first time?

Lewis Carroll in Alice Land

2010-03-07T18:23:00.002-05:00

Here's a fun fact:

While researching for my Honors thesis on Lolita, I came across Alice Liddell, for whom Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) wrote Alice in Wonderland--great movie, by the way. Saw it twice in Imax 3D so far.

So Lewis Carroll was a pedophile who loved taking nudey pics of eleven-year-old girls, which, I'm sure, he left out of his query letter. Now lo and behold, we have a classic.

There's really no point in this post, just thought I'd share. So yea...just write an awesome query letter, keep your private life private, and uhh, your novel just might stand the test of time, become a movie, & net $210.3 million its opening weekend. *applause*!1!

Vook It

2010-03-05T08:05:00.000-05:00

So I have mixed feelings about the vook, which incorporates video sequences into your reading experience. On the one hand, awesome! We can watch demonstrations for non-fiction and short vids for fiction, too. The vook describes it as

a new innovation in reading that blends a well-written book, high-quality video and the power of the Internet into a single, complete story.

They're thinking outside the box, coming up with innovative technology, and keeping readers interested with these video segments. Attracting more readers is definitely a plus.

Right now, they're promoting Anne Rice's The Master of Rampling Gate, and the vook, I imagine, will enhance the eerie atmosphere and really help the story come to life.

But...

Isn't the point of reading to use your own imagination? It's like the difference between a book and a movie--they're both great, but I like to read it first and keep the two separate in my head. Otherwise, I'm limited in what to think and see.

And also, isn't it the author's job to make the characters come to life and the story stick in your head long after you've finished, without the help of a video?

Of course, I'm not one to stand in the way of innovation (keep 'em coming!), but most good things have a downside, too.

All in all, I think it's definitely a cool idea. Storytellers have been mixing media for thousands of years--Homer with the lyre, William Blake's illuminated prints, and today's graphic novels--so who am I to be a word-purist? And with the trend of book trailers and YouTube promotional videos, interviews, etc., it seems that the vook is inevitable. People search for videos that relate to what they're reading, so why not just combine the two? This then pushes ereaders to get with the program and be compatible with video clips. Wouldn't that be awesome if my sony reader could play videos? But yea. I'd need to get a sony reader first. And for that, I'd need a job. Sigh.

What do you guys think? Vook, yay or nay? And would you like to see your own book as a vook? Or if you haven't written anything of your own yet, what books would you want to see as a vook? Mysteries and thriller would definitely be cool. I'd love to see Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's Pendergast novels in vook form, as in, when Pendergast walks into a creepy room, there could be a video giving a panoramic sweep of the area, so the reader may/may not pick up any clues on his/her own. What about you? Let me know how you feel about this vook business! :)

Kindle's New Marketing Plan: Target Buyers Without Opposable Thumbs

2010-03-03T00:50:00.002-05:00

Finally, books without the hassle of turning a page! Our thumb-challenged friends have been oppressed and kept in ignorance for long enough. One happy Kindle customer, Grendel, said, "Thanks to the paw-friendly NEXT PAGE button, I was able to read my way through high school, surpassing expectations and becoming the first four-legged valedictorian."

Grendel adds, "And I wouldn't be surprised if you start seeing more animal-friendly keyboards too, because those of us who can read also want to try our paw at writing." The tech-savvy canine then went on to recommend The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein.

Though I haven't read it yet, from what I can gather, the author is a dog who shares his thoughts as he watches his human go through a string of bad luck adventures. Definitely on my TBR list. Plus, it has 4.5 stars on Amazon.com with 730 reviews.

We thus must thank all e-readers for the sudden burst in literacy in our unopposably-thumbed friends.

Now, there are scientists out there who are trying to claim that the ciliary muscle or crystalline lens in dogs aren't as developed as those in humans, meaning that it is physically impossible for their eyeballs to focus on words on a page and read. And to that, all I have to say is:

Wishbone.

Has anyone here read The Art of Racing in the Rain? I'm excited to check it out and I'd love to hear your opinion. And also, any Wishbone fans around here? I wish I could buy a DVD set of all the episodes, because when I have kids, I want them to experience literature through a fun medium in elementary school too! Leave a comment and let me know what you think :)

To A Happy New Blog

2010-02-28T16:31:00.000-05:00

Greetings! I love books, you love books, let's share! Basically, I'll be using this blog to tell you about the titles I'm really excited about (as in the ones I'll stay up and read all night and flunk out of college for), and I'd love to hear about what you're reading too.

Pick of the Day: Kelly Gay's The Better Part of Darkness
I read this a few weeks ago, and I raved about it to every single friend & family member I bumped into. I still can't stop thinking about it!

Real quick, aliens--err, off-worlders have migrated to Earth, bringing all sorts of creatures (goblins, gremlins, sirens, wraiths, everything) together in this gritty, realistic, unbelievably creative urban fantasy.

Also, if you like love triangles, then you'll just swoon over this love square.

On a scale of 1-5 (1 = "maybe if I'm hungry," 5 = "NOM NOM NOM, delicious!"), this is definitely a loosen-your-belt-lick-your-fingers 5.

Has anyone else read this? Do you have any gritty, action-packed urban fantasies to recommend? Leave a comment :) !