Friday, May 28, 2010

There's Comic Con, Otakon, and then there's BEA

Since I registered as a member of the PRESS, I might as well do my job and report on my first BEA experience. Let's put it this way: If throwing free shirts to the crowd at a metal show ranks at 5 on a scale of insanity, and if bridezillas at Filene's Basement Wedding Dress Extravaganza is a 10, then giving away free arcs at BEA would score an 8.75. Here's how to not die at BEA:

Rule #1: There is no etiquette. You know who posts those etiquette guidelines online? People who want you to lose while they snatch all the galleys for themselves. This list I've compiled, however, is for winners. See this badge? I'm with the press. You can trust me.

Rule #2: Arrive 6 hrs before exhibit floor opens and before autograph tickets are sold. OR ELSE NO BOOKS 4U. You can sleep while camping out on line...

Rule #3: God gave you elbows--use them. Facepalming and sticking your foot in someone's path are all legal moves as well, as long as you smile and yell SORRY over your shoulder, while they cough and eat your dust. Also, once you start amassing books, you can use the bulk of your neon BEA tote bag to block others from weaving ahead of you.

Rule #4: Why speedwalk when you can run? DO YOU WANT THE BOOKS OR WHAT.

Through it all, just keep your eye on the prize.

(Not shown: Kody Keplinger's The DUFF and Cory Doctorow's For the Win, which are waiting for me at the FP office, as well as 5 e-books--including Charles Benoit's YOU)

So. My reading list just got multiplied by a million. Also, where am I going to store all these books. I need to buy another shelf.



Janet Reid May 29, 2010 at 11:40 PM  

holy smokes, I remember when you were quiet and polite and wouldn't throw an elbow if it was a piece of pasta.

This paying job has made you a Savage BEA Swagosaurus!

I love it!

Lisa Desrochers May 29, 2010 at 11:47 PM  

I'd be happy to store some of them for you...

Shelley Watters May 29, 2010 at 11:48 PM  

This is the funniest post I've seen from you! I absolutely love it!

That is a pretty impressive load you came back with. I'm incredibly jealous. Maybe next year I'll be able to go to BEA (in my dreams!!). Someday. Someday!

Josin L. McQuein May 30, 2010 at 12:14 AM  

Looks like you made out like a bandit with the book haul. (And those are some seriously awesome covers. Wow.)

Francis K7 May 30, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

Amazing post :)

Thanks a lot!

Gary Corby May 30, 2010 at 12:23 AM  

How did you carry all the books? Looks to me like their total mass exceeds your own body weight.

Hold on, you mean at BEA you have to buy tickets to get an autograph?

Thomas Sinclair May 30, 2010 at 12:44 AM  

I love this. I need to find a way to get to BEA. Finally my 6'8" bulk can be put to the purpose of securing books.

Myrna Foster May 30, 2010 at 12:44 AM  

Thanks for the tips! ;o)

Richard Levangie May 30, 2010 at 6:17 AM  

So things I learned in a hockey rink and karate dojo would come in handy. Good to know. Osu!

Loretta Nyhan May 30, 2010 at 9:48 AM  

Funny post!

I'd love to go to BEA next year, but now I fear I'll just end up cowering in a corner somewhere nursing my bruises!

Stephany May 30, 2010 at 10:06 AM  

Nah, you don't need another shelf - just stack 'em all up in a chair shape and throw a shabby chic cover over the lot: instant furniture!

Judith May 30, 2010 at 10:30 AM  

Hehe Janet the shark & Suzie the swagmaster taught me well.

And yes, Gary, I had to lug them home in two trips via taxi. My shoulders and elbows are still sore! And no, all signings were free, but some authors required you to get a free ticket ahead of time to regulate the length of the line. For those, even though the tickets are given away at like 6:30am, they sell out by 7am, and everyone starts lining up at like 6. I got up at 4:30am but still missed my train that morning, so I thought I was a goner for good, but luckily, Meredith and Suzie acquired tickets for me :) That's love, right there.

Thomas and Richard, perhaps we can form a truce? And make our way through BEA in a phalanx formation?

Loretta, come anyway! Join me, Thomas, and Richard and with our powers combined, we'll be unstoppable!

Hahaha Stephany I never thought of that! I'mma doet :)