Wednesday, June 30, 2010


She may or may not be a transvestite or a member of the Illuminati. That's besides the point. The question isn't who is Lady GaGa, but how old. The answer? Approximately infinity.
Exhibit A: The cover of the latest Rolling Stone, featuring Lady GaGa, "born" 1986.

Exhibit B: Ayn Rand, "born" 1905, "died" 1982.

Ayn Rand + 5 lbs of makeup - all her clothes = Lady GaGa

Lady G has been around since 1905 at least--who knows what her name was before then! Think about it. How else could Ayn have written both The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged? That's 2120 pages right there, and that's just two of her books--impossible in just one lifetime! Speaking of which, I cross-referenced all of Rand's texts with GaGa's lyrics on my cutting edge TI-89 and here are the results:

1) Like GaGa, no one can read Dagny's poker face.

2) "Beautiful Dirty Rich" is pretty much Dagny's anthem.

3) Dagny wants your bad romance too. So far, she's had three.

4) "Alejandro" is a Spanishy name, which rhymes with Dagny's childhood sweetheart, Francisco, ALSO a Spanishy name.

5) When Dagny is in Galt's Gulch, she too has no telephone service and can't hear a thing.

The similarities are endless.

Ultimately, the evidence is indisputable. GaGa/Rand is one and the same. Furthermore, she spends eternity recreating herself as a celebrity with each generation.

I know what you're thinking. The logic of this post is so complex, how can you tell if it's true?! It's okay. You can trust me on this. I was a Philosophy minor.