Thursday, July 29, 2010

Re: Sean Ferrell's How to Get an Author Blurb

(Sean Ferrell's lessons on asking authors for a blurb)

Dear Mr. Ferrell,

I couldn't wait for NUMB's release date five days from now so I downloaded it illegally (I hope you don't mind). Smart thinking on my part, because now I can be the first to ask if you'll write a blurb for the front cover of my book.

(By the way, I'm sorry for the whole piracy thing, but there was no other choice. I tried breaking into your agent's office for a galley, but as I neared her door, the Jaws music proved too suspenseful and frightened me away. But it's all for the best--along with your novel and a dozen viruses, the file included a hidden folder with one gigabyte of porn.)

May I just say thank you for creating my favorite character of all time? I felt particularly drawn to Hiko on a deeper level than most readers because I, too, am Asian. And though I am not blind, I too date only white men. However, I had a bit of a problem with Emilia and her kitty claws. By posing Emilia and Hiko as contrasts, it is as if you were implying that Hiko does not have claws and thus lacks the RAWR factor in the boudoir, if you know what I mean. This struck me as unfair and I would have liked to see Hiko take on Emilia in a giant cat fight, say, in a mud wrestling pit or some other similar venue (this idea, I admit, struck me as I was perusing the gigabyte of hidden files). While Emilia has the advantage of size and sight, Hiko is Asian and is thus a ninja, or at the very least a black belt in karate, able to foresee Emilia's punches seconds before they land (let's see how those claws help you now! HA HA HA). Perhaps you can consider this alternate ending for the second printing of NUMB.

Even as is, I still consider NUMB a brilliant book and would be honored if you wrote a blurb for my own debut. Though I have yet to finish or start my book, I would like to know in advance if you would be willing to promote the work of your #1 fan. Plus, if I know you're going to blurb me, it will provide extra incentive for me to write my story.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,
Judith

(Disclaimer: In no way does the post above advocate the illegal sharing of copyrighted files. Please go to your local bookstore or Amazon.com and purchase a copy instead. In fact, purchase five.)

9 comments:

Sean Ferrell July 29, 2010 at 11:24 AM  

Please feel free to use this blurb on your book: "There is only one book that I loved before it was written. This is that book."

Julie Weathers July 29, 2010 at 2:22 PM  

rofl both of you.

Shelley July 29, 2010 at 2:38 PM  

OMG so funny. Great post Jude! Sean, while you're at it, will you blurb mine too? LOL

Harley May July 30, 2010 at 9:47 AM  

OH MY GOSH, YES.

PLEASE DEVOTE A BOOK TO A HIKO/EMILIA CAT FIGHT. DID THE WOMAN IN YOU NOT STAND UP ON HER HAUNCHES LIKE A CAT WHEN NUMB FOUND THAT NOTE FROM EMILIA? I THREW UP MY HANDS, TOOK OFF MY EARRINGS AND SAID, "NAH. HE HIKO'S MAN, BEYOTCH."

(still, you have to wonder what makes a woman like Emilia. did Uncle Neddy get too friendly after getting into the good sauce? was sexuality her only way out of one hourse town? did life in the trailer park break all that was good in her? that'd be a hard habbit to break once you knew what you were capable of. use sex. get what you want. want what you want. that would be another interesting book. this is a long paranthetical)

TEAM HIKO

Harley May July 30, 2010 at 9:51 AM  

That last comment had typo's. My bad. I got excited.

Patty Blount July 30, 2010 at 9:56 AM  

*giggles* Dear Judith:

So inspired by your snaring of an author blurb from The Sean Ferrell, I am writing to request same for my unpublished-because-it's-not-finished novel, SEND.

Hoping you are well,
Patty Blount of rainbow cookie fame.

Kyle August 3, 2010 at 7:52 PM  

Hahaha, Judith you are awesome. Like deserves fanboys awesome.

Vicki Rocho September 16, 2010 at 5:50 PM  

This totally cracked me up!

My blog roll is bulging, but I'll make room for one more...everyone needs a good laugh now and again, right?

lexcade September 17, 2010 at 12:51 AM  

you are hilarious!!!